Saturday, April 23, 2016

I Wish I May


Sometimes you wish for something. Wish until you can hardly hold it in. Until it's all you can think about. Until the day comes when you realize: God's either going to grant your wish, or take it away.

And He asks you to let it go.

To give up the sparkle of each thought you've had about it. To give up the moments when you've grinned for "no reason" because the very wish made you skip. To give up the anticipation; the expectant, bubbly feeling - like a kid in a candy shop - that is part and parcel with waiting on a wish.

And so you do. You let it go.

It takes time. But finally, your thoughts don't live there anymore. You don't feel the desire to talk about it anymore. When you hear of someone else's wish, your heart doesn't race with excitement anymore. 

Because you've let it go.

Then something happens. Maybe it's a picture from the time you were wishing hardest. Maybe it's the book that first whispered to you of the dream. Maybe you watch someone else live your wish. Dream your dream. 

And God lets her. 

Blesses her.

Suddenly, you're in pieces again. Not the shattered, dramatic, sobbing-on-the-floor kind of pieces, but the subtle kind. The kind that makes you wonder if that dull ache is just a destined part of your life now. The kind that's not even sure you want the wish anymore, but can't figure out why it's suddenly so hard.

You hadn't realized how tightly you'd woven your wish into thoughts most special to you. Hadn't realized how very long it takes to extract all the traces from deep inside. Hadn't realized that letting go never happens just once.

"But this is what God asks of me! I can do nothing if not trust Him. If I doubt Him now, what purpose is there in anything?"

So, shakily, you reach your hands toward Him. This is harder than hanging onto hope: to let it die. Again.

Again, you struggle against the memory.
Again, you yearn to understand.
Again, you beg, "Not my will, but Yours!"
Again, you cannot stop the whisper, "but if only this wish could be..."
Again, you wait upon Him.

Hands outstretched.
Ears straining.
Eyes searching.
Heart clinging.

You wait.

And then, one day, you realize - 
"To receive from Him
To hear His voice
To see His glory
To know His love -
This is my wish."

And once again your heart skips with a wish that will forever come true.

"One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple." - Psalm 27
jessicahtam. Wish. 22 Nov. 2009. Flickr Creative Commons. 

Monday, March 21, 2016

five minute friday (on a Monday): Surprise


It was a surprise. A shock. Unheard of, unconsidered.

The Creator would wrap Himself in the created?

The boundless God would be confined to an infant's body?

The One Who Owns the Worlds would not even have a cradle in which to be laid?

The greatest Wisdom would be called demon-possession?

The King of kings would answer to a governor?

The Only Righteous would be punished for sin?

The Slain would rise again?

It was more than a surprise. It was unfathomable.

And yet, it was Truth.


five minute friday: Writing for five minutes on a theme. Skip the edits. Skip the considerations. Just write. And post.

Friday, March 11, 2016

five minute friday: share

{photo credit}
About to finish up my second quarter at our local community college, one of the classes I've been immersed in for the last 10 weeks is a Creative Non-Fiction Writing class. It's stretched me in many ways; never before have I had the desire or requirement to write over a page on reality, without it being essay format.

In Creative Non-Fiction, my writing is supposed to be personal. It's supposed to reveal me, as the author, and my perspective on whatever subject I may be addressing. It's supposed to not just focus on the "facts, please," but on the emotions, without ever crossing the line to purely making something up. This has overwhelmed me.

My first assignment was to write a memoir - and I have never written anything so difficult. Not because I don't have special memories, not because I can't write well about them, but because the entire class is assigned to read and provide feedback on all turned-in assignments. This frightened me.

Why would I want a roomful of people to know a special memory of mine? Why would I give them that information? They don't know or particularly care about me - how can I share something so priceless with people who have no understanding of its value?

This was sharing of myself I was unwilling to give. Was it wrong? Where do I hold back from sharing myself when I should be giving everything?



five minute friday: Writing for five minutes on a theme. Skip the edits. Skip the considerations. Just write. And post.

Monday, January 4, 2016

A Few Of My Favorite Things Blog Tag!!!


Gracious - long time no blog! Did you have a good Christmas? Happy 2016!! Life has continued to roll by with its changes and challenges, and I'll be sure to do a mini update-in-Sarah's-life soon.

However, in the meantime, I've been blog-tagged by Leslie from The Upstream Writer to do a Christmas (although she says it can be wintry, all things considered :p) Posting.

Rules: use the same title and top picture (check), answer the questions (of course!), and tag 5 fellow bloggers (mmm...problematic, since I don't know that I have that many compatriots, but we'll see).

So without further ado...

A Few of my Favorite Things Blog-Tag Questions-and-Answers

1. What are some of your favorite "Snuggle Weather" books?
Sadly, I don't have any books that I consistently read or gravitate to in Snuggle Weather. I blame this on the fact that there are always so many amazing, "new" books to read. That said, I really love The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (by Barbara Robinson) and Shepherds Abiding (by Jan Karon) as Christmas-time stories!

 


2. What is your favorite wintry snack?
Mmmm. Peppermint hot chocolate. (Yum!)

3. What are some of your favorite hot drinks?
Chai teas - always, peppermint hot chocolate - for special occasions, and peach tea lattes - for comfort. Oh yeah, I drink my fair share of coffee, too.


4. What are some of your favorite Christmas movies?
Favorite Christmas movies seem often to gain their titles for reasons of nostalgia. Imagine my dismay, therefore, in answering this question - because we rarely watched Christmas-themed movies while I was growing up! That's not to say we didn't watch any, it just isn't an essential part of my warm-and-fuzzy Christmas memories.

However, I find The Nativity a beautiful - and more honest than most - telling of the Christmas story.

5. What are some of your favorite holiday songs?
I love the songs in Michael Card's album The Promise, specifically "Joseph's Song," "We Will Find Him," "Thou The Promise," and "Jacob's Star."



6. Favorite snow day crafts?
*Ahem* Does reading count as a craft? Because that's my hands-down fav for snow days! Otherwise, I like knitting, crocheting, hand-sewing...anything that makes pretty things while not demanding my full attention (because if I'm not reading, I'm enjoying the people around me!).

7. Do you want to build a snowman?
Of course!!! Also...sometimes not. I didn't with our recent snowing, because I've developed a nasty cold and was being a stuffy old lady in attempts to not make it worse. But theoretically, yes- always.


And that wraps up the bloggy game! Lauren, Mikaela, or Elanee, if you feel like carrying on with posts of your own, please do! Otherwise, I would love to hear any- and every- one's answers to these questions in the comments!!

Blessings!

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Class

{photo credit}
New textbooks, sharp pencils, blue markers, clean whiteboards -
A desk-studded bird cage for parrots, well-taught.
With rote recitation of ready responses
They mimic
Their teachers,
With words they know not.