Live Out Loud

     Have you noticed? It's hip to be an introvert these days. Online quizzes, diagrams, stories, and personality tests have explained this enigmatic quality far too many times to be revolutionary, far too meticulously to be misunderstood, and far too popularly to be the profile of a minority. Everyone, it seems, is an introvert.

what is this, Monopoly?

     Why is introversion so popular? How is it that seemingly everyone relates? An introvert needs "alone time." Needs to recharge without the constant clamoring for attention from outsiders. Needs to have breaks from pouring herself into those around her. Needs to be able to focus on personal priorities.

     Or, to put it bluntly, an "introvert" needs to have moments of no accountability. Needs to be thought "special" instead of "selfish" in her insistence on being left alone. Needs to be pitied (instead of called out) when she is disgruntled from long-term interactions with others. Do these qualities - these needs - sound like descriptions of a misunderstood personality, or an egocentric individual, longing to be justified? 

     I'm not denying the legitimate differences between "introverts" and that mysterious, little-known mutant group dubbed "extroverts" (I love you guys!), but I do see a GREAT propensity - in my life and others' - to excuse everything short of murder in the name of, "but I'm an introvert!" After all, who doesn't love a get-out-of-jail-free card?*

I'd rather just keep quietly to myself

     All growing up, I was the bookworm in the corner. I remember, on multiple occasions, my mother pulling me aside and correcting me for reading while guests were present. I took books to parties, to dinners when I didn't know the family, to the store - they were my escape, and my parents had to work hard to keep me from disappearing into a self-satisfied loner at the ripe old age of 10.

     The most memorable time my father shoved me beyond my "I'm-shy-and-I-like-it-that-way" comfort zone was when he insisted I introduce myself to a fellow student (we attended a home school science class) to recite a memory verse assignment. I declined in no uncertain terms, claiming I wished to recite to him, but he was undeterred. Scooping up his tween daughter - who, despite her "shyness", had no qualms about kicking and arguing in front of the class as she was carried across the room - he deposited me before another student with the implacable declaration: "She would like to recite her verses to you!"

     When I look back on this winner of Mortifying Moments in Sarah's Life, I feel little (aside from amusement) beyond regret. I see now that what I then called "shyness", and later called "being an introvert", is nothing so noble, so glorious. It was, rather, a hearty blend of pride, selfishness, and the fearful sentiment that if I didn't know for sure that someone would like me, I'd rather not risk it. So I embraced the world's labels, and excused my recluse habits. It was safer, more comfortable, and happier to just keep quietly to myself. 

do I need a spotlight?

     There are those, on the other hand, who find the forefront of a group naturally. Whose personalities sparkle. Who have a quick wit, an open demeanor, and a magnetic charisma to which people flock. Those who carry within themselves the gift of making all around them feel loved, and important. These happy individuals (because, of course, they're always happy) are not necessarily seeking the spotlight; they simply live their lives there, unaware of the sentiments of the sideline shadows. But as a shadow who's struggling not to check out of the real world and into her own personal one, I feel the pressure. 

     If my tendency is to withdraw from life, to live focused only on those things necessary to me, to shrink from reaching out to others - if this is my natural, selfish preference, are the Ones in the Spotlight my models of complete death to self? Is that who I must become to live as God created me to be? Am I somehow broken, that it is so difficult for me to talk to the lady beside me in the grocery store, while my friend can entertain an entire room full of people she has never before met? Should I - horror of horrors - be in a spotlight?

not about the introverts

     My answer used to be yes - but I'm learning it's not true. As an introvert, I face specific challenges in reaching out to others, but identifying and overcoming "introvert" weaknesses,I've learned I'm learning, is not accomplished by pretending to be someone you're not. God has given each and every one of us - introverts and extroverts alike - specific gifts, talents, and strengths. As unbelievable as it may seem, these gifts are not tied to whether you'd rather spend your free time with a gang of friends at the mall, or with a solitary pot of tea in your room. These gifts are based on who God created you to be, and the tasks He has given you to do - and following His leading is not any easier for Spotlight-Dwellers than it is for Shadows. It requires stepping out boldly and running down the path He has laid for you, even when you can't see past the bend. That's the funny thing about following: it implies that someone is ahead of you; someone who partially obscures the way, but who you trust to know the directions.

Live Out Loud

     So, as a girl who'd much rather quietly read in her corner, I'm being taught to live loudly - but this doesn't mean I've magically become the sought-out one, or have found myself a spotlight. Building relationships with the two girls who sit next to me in class? It took a lot of determination to introduce myself and exchange phone numbers - but my Father loves them, so shouldn't I act like that? Paying for the coffee of the person behind me in the drive-through was nothing - but when, today, I wrote him a note to say I was praying for him, and encouraging him to look up a Bible verse, I was almost light-headed with panic just asking the barista to pass it on.

     The fabled extroverts would laugh. This is what it means to her, to live out-loud?

     Yes. Because to live loudly is to live beyond the bounds of my own, controlled little world. To reach out to those around me when I know they can offer me nothing, because I have something, Someone, they desperately need. To remember that grades at school, veggies at the grocery store, or coffees in the drive-through are not the purpose of my day, but a means to lead me toward the people - classmates and coffee addicts alike - who Christ asks me to love.

     And to love them, I must break my silence. Will you live out loud?

*Lauren wrote a beautiful article confronting the introvert mentality head-on, and I strongly encourage all you fellow-introverts to hop over and get a perspective shift

Photo 1 Credit Heigl, Michael. AKG K550 Loud. 12 June 2012. Flickr Creative Commons.
Photo 2 Credit Vanova, Photo. Untitled. 10 January 2015. Flickr Creative Commons.
Photo 3 Credit Barker, Kenneth. imagine what is over there. 6 June 2010. Flickr Creative Commons.

Saturday Smiles

It's late. The rest of the house is sleeping, but clearly not the rest of the world. Through my open bedroom window, I could hear the coyotes calling to each other a while ago, but they have long since hushed themselves to join me in eavesdropping on the nearby shindig. It's a rare occurrence to hear such a hullabaloo on a street inhabited exclusively by my family and retired couples; my best guess is that it's echoing down to our street from somewhere up the hill. If the music is any indication, they're re-shooting a saloon scene from an old western movie. The bass is plunking away with a tune I'm pretty sure is straight out of "Bonanza," and there is singing, shouting, and dogs barking. I can't help but smile at the sound.

But it's just been a smiling sort of Saturday! Other smiles were...

1. My new print from Kaytch, with C.S. Lewis' quote: "Courage, dear heart."

2. My wee rose bush! I thought I had totally killed it, and was so sad! But now, after a couple weeks of babying it, these tiny little leaves magically appeared. I'm ridiculously excited about them. Aren't they cute??

3. This new marking on my calendar! I get to go see my dear friend in 3 weeks!! She may have only been gone a short time so far, but I'm already missing her to pieces and glad to have a countdown!

4. The glorious warmth and sunshine today.

5. ...and getting to spend the lovely day with this wonderful girl!

What have your smiles been today?

Life Lately

In the name of preserving landmarks online for all posterity...

Because I spent some good, much-in-demand time working on it...

And because I feel like some sort of general update is due to blogland, as a result of my extended absence...

Ta-dah! Coders' 2014 Christmas Letter! Not for the faint-of-heart, length-wise. (But I do believe my blog in general doesn't qualify for those readers.)

The steadfast love of the LORD never changes,

His mercies never come to an end;

They are new every morning –

New every morning.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O LORD;

Great is Thy faithfulness

Mumsie must have sung this song constantly when I was little, because I still hear her voice, praising slowly and reverently, whenever I ‘sing’ it in my head. As we come again to a year’s end, as we prepare again our hearts to celebrate the incarnation of our mighty God, as we look again in retrospect upon the last 12 months of life, we see afresh the many changes of the year. There are new friends, new jobs, new ideas, new sorrows, new joys – and yet, through all the changes, we clearly see God’s mercies and compassion which are paradoxically ever the same, and ever new. Great is His faithfulness!

What’s new for the Coders in 2014? I’m so glad you asked! Settle back with a cup of tea or a mug of cocoa, though, because we do still have 10 kids (as incredible as that may sound to those of you who know Zachary) and this could take a while (but I’ll do my best).

New Reasons to Celebrate:

In March, Gregg and Keri celebrated their 25^th wedding anniversary! Actually, that’s a slightly misleading statement. Mom and dad’s 25^th anniversary was in March, but they have been celebrating all year by disappearing for a weekend a month. Sometimes to the beach, sometimes to the mountains – they keep in touch enough to make us jealous by pictures of sunshine, snow, and sea.

That’s not all we’ve celebrated this year, though! School landmarks are always good reasons to have a party, and we had a giant triple-graduation bash in July, as Ben finished WSU with a degree in Mechanical Engineering, Emily graduated from the community college with an AA in Business, and Rachel graduated from high school! Pie, pie, and more pie was consumed, which – of course – made the celebration official.

New Travels: (note: for pictures and more details, check out the travelers’ blogs!)

Ø  At the beginning of the year, Ben was working as an intern at Hewlett-Packard as he finished up his degree. Even in his not-yet-a-full-time-employee status, he had the amazing opportunity to go to China for two weeks in February to oversee the production of a part he designed! Chongqing being famous for its spicy food, Ben’s only time venturing out alone resulted in a meal of many tears, LOTS of water, and huge grins from waiters. Nonetheless, he considers it a great experience and can’t wait to go back! (Plans for another business trip are set for January 2015)

Ø  Shortly after graduation, Ben enlisted the companionship of Joshua on a three-week European jaunt. After visiting family in Loches, France, they traveled on to sight-see through England, Scotland, and even a brief 48 hours in Ireland!

Ø  We have only just welcomed home our most recent world-traveler, Rachel! She struck out on her own at the end of September for a two-month absence in Ufa, Russia, where she enjoyed playing with and caring for two adorable twin boys recently born to some friends of ours!

New Challenges:

Our pastor constantly reminds us that “God is always good, all the time.” The evidence of this comes most powerfully in times of pain, of fear, and of uncertainty, and so we share these challenges to testify to the goodness of our LORD. We see the proof of His love and provision while in the midst of trials, and although we are not often told “Why?” He always shows Himself to be the “How.”

At the end of August, Megan was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Having a 9-year-old suddenly insulin dependent, being required abruptly to count every carbohydrate she consumes, learning all the emergency signs and responses for high and low blood sugar readings – these things have composed our greatest challenge. And yet, we have truly “seen the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” From His providential hand in causing mama to notice Megan’s symptoms (which seemed coincidental and normal), to Megan’s beautiful and grace-filled response to her life-long diagnosis, we have been in awe of how our King has marked the way.

If you had been a fly on our wall one particular night – only a few days after learning about her diabetes – you would have been touched by Megan’s attitude, as she discussed possible reasons God has allowed her to have this disease. “Maybe I’m supposed to be an encouragement to another little girl who gets diabetes!” “Maybe I will grow up to be a doctor for kids who get diabetes!” – she was joyfully ready to look for God’s purpose in her trial, and the enthusiasm and willingness of my wee sister humbled me. Yes, God is good.

New Ventures:

Ø  Work: After graduation and Europe, Ben became an official employee of HP right here in Vancouver, and continues to enjoy his job immensely. In June, I also started a new part-time job at a local tea room!

Ø  School: Joshua began classes at the local community college this fall through the running start program. At this point, he plans to study for a degree in mechanical engineering.

Ø  Play: The youngest three of the Coder clan have now been added to the ranks of costumed volunteers at Fort Vancouver. Beginning in January, they will be taught the skills and hobbies of young boys and girls living at the Fort in the 1840s, and will be trained to share this knowledge with visitors.

Ø  Music: Intrigued by the art of shattering glass and destroying good hearing, Joshua decided to learn the bagpipes this year. It was several months before he received the actual instrument, but now we are often serenaded by strains of “Amazing Grace” or “Scotland the Brave” floating through his closed door, down the stairs, around the corner, into the great room, and arriving in our ears at a loud-and-clear volume. (We love it.)

Old News:

Amidst the ever-changing newness of life, some things have remained the same year-to-year. For example, Mama is still home-schooling the younger children around the kitchen table, while our two high-schoolers (Grace and James) watch classes online through Bob Jones University. I continue to teach violin and piano lessons to about 30 students, and thoroughly enjoy my time with each of these aspiring musicians. Dad is still working at Home Depot, and will celebrate two years as an employee of ‘the Orange Life’ in April! Besides the bagpipes, music continues to be a major part of our lives, with the youngest 5 taking lessons and practicing the days away (mostly)! J

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This Christmas season, we pray that you all will be blessed with a fresh awareness of who our God is as you celebrate His birth. May we all continually learn new lessons from Him, praise Him with new songs, and wonder at His ever-new mercies.

Merry Christmas!!

~Sarah (for the Coder family)

Our Only Ground

{photo credit}

About a month ago, I posted the following on facebook:

I'm tired of the word "deserve." "Ever girl deserves..." "...because you deserve..." "Everyone deserves..."
"But God, who is rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead...made us alive...that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."
All we deserve is eternal death in hell, but Christ's incarnation and sacrifice have rendered what anyone "deserves" as irrelevant. Life is to be centered around His love, His grace, and His mercy. Can we stop with our false sense of entitlement? I'm so grateful to not get what I deserve!

Having the Christian friends that I do, many agreed with me, posting their own encounters and understanding of the magnitude of the free-ness of God's gift of eternal life. However, at the time, I couldn't help but wonder how many people would have so heartily concurred if they knew what had sparked the mini-rant. Last week, as we mournfully observed the 42nd anniversary of Roe v Wade, enough one-liners, and comic strips, and blog posts rolled across my screen to assure me that my motive in the post would have been rather - if not extremely - unpopular. Why? Because the catalyst for my anti-entitlement reaction was a pro-life ad.

How could we, as Christians, have strayed so far in defending our beliefs? Even a pro-life ad on a Christian radio station fell short. After briefly running through general information about the pro-life organization, the commercial then moved to how those looking to donate could do so as a tax write-off (in fact, the whole ad felt disproportionately money-oriented, but that is not the point here). After announcing all pertinent details, the gentle lady's voice concluded, "Because every baby deserves a chance to live."

Deserves? Is that what we believe?

{photo credit}

If you are pro-life, why? Because you believe that the child in the womb is an actual human being and abortion is the same as murder? Who says murder is wrong? Couldn't it sometimes be a necessary evil for the greater good?

Are you pro-life because studies show that a baby in the womb can feel pain? Is pain inflicted on another human a legitimate reason for outlawing a practice? Do we outlaw orthodontists? Doctors who set legs? Who's to say that the temporary pain of an abortion isn't, in the long run, the best for the child, if his life would be one of great trial?

Are you pro-life because "innocent" babies deserve the chance to live? Why? Do their mothers "deserve" to go through the nausea, discomfort, job complications, and financial hardship to bring to term children they don't even want - perhaps for whom they cannot even provide?

Why are you pro-life?

If the Christian literature I saw this past week is any indication, we are failing miserably in our attempts to answer this question. We spout our scientific facts: 8 weeks after conception, the baby's heartbeat is discernible via ultrasound; at 16-18 weeks, the baby can feel pain. These are evidences of personhood. After science we appeal to morality: the baby is alive, and it's murder to abort him; abortion is sacrificing one's children on the altar of selfishness and willful ignorance. Goodness and kindness rise up in protest.  But the weapon of choice is pathos. Miraculous survival stories, heart-wrenching testimonials, appeals to mothers who would never want pain for their children- the more tears we see, the more people we feel we've reached.

Why are you pro-life?

Christians, should not our answer be, "I am pro-life because never once in God's word did He show the unborn to be of any less personhood than the born; therefore, I cannot consider them to be anything else, either. I am pro-life because our God is the God of life and murder is against His very nature; therefore, I oppose it too. I am pro-life because God loves children; therefore, I delight in them as well."?

{photo credit}

Are we ashamed of these answers? Afraid of "turning people away" by our radical, life-supporting, Christian response? Have we so thoughtlessly burned our bridges? Our foundation was surely on the rock, but we have taken a sledgehammer to it in the name of not "forcing our views on others." If we blow the pro-life horn in the name of ever-changing science, unreliable pathos, and floating societal morality, how will it sound?

In observing the Christians of his time, William Wilberforce noted this lack of foundation from which we still waver today:

"If we listen to [the Christians'] conversation, virtue is praised, and vice is censured; piety is perhaps applauded, and profaneness condemned. So far all is well. But let any one, who would not be deceived by the "barren generalities" examine a little more closely, and he will find, that not to Christianity in particular, but at best to Religion in general, perhaps to mere Morality their homage is intended to be paid..."
"Does this seem too strong? View their plan of life and their ordinary conduct....Wherein can we discern the points of discrimination between them and professed unbelievers?"

 I am pro-life. Not because science "proves" or "supports" the life of a child in the womb - although it does.

Not because it is "bad" or "evil" to take that life, whether from the preference of the parent or pressure on the parent  - although it is.

Not because I have shed innumerable tears over the lost lives of so many millions - although I have.

And certainly not because every baby deserves to live - frankly, they don't. None of us do.

I am pro-life because my Father in heaven, Who has so perfectly formed each being, loves, bestows, and values life, and I stand with Him. What other choice do we have? "All other ground is sinking sand."

Watch-It Wednesday: Ice Women

Lauren and I were both nominated for the ice bucket challenge this past week, and decided that right after a run was the perfect time to do it! I'd been slightly perturbed by how many people simply donated to the ALS Association without doing some homework on it, first. Thus, my spiel:

It's always been a dream of mine to willingly stand still whilst being dumped with buckets of ice water - NOT! But anyway, thanks, Katie.  I'm nominating Karen Jenkins, Titus Copper, and Katelyn Dawkins to join the fun. You're welcome.  Please know that the ALS Association funds embryonic stem cell research and is therefore not an organization we as Christians should mindlessly support. You three are nominated to donate to a RESEARCHED organization for any cause for which you have a heart. Ice water and $10, or $100 and no ice water. Ready - go! 

Have a cool Wednesday!

Beached

How did I get here? What am I doing?
I was made to dwell deeply in the depths of the sea.
There the water is cold,

And the comforting dark

Brings me peace by withholding

A life lived just by sight.

How could I leave it? What was I thinking?

It was rumors of pressure-less living that drew me.

I felt buoyant up top -

A great whale with no weight,

And the light sparkled e'er - 

Thus my life lived in shallows.

Why did I stay there? What was so tempting?

I was carefree, I thought, to live warmed by the sun.

But the storm that appeared

I never saw coming.

I was lost and unsure -

Deep depths never have storms.

How did I get here? What am I doing?

I've learned warm, buoyant sparkles bring with them high prices:

To be weightless means tossed,

To see sparkles means surface,

And I long for cool depths

As I bake on this beach.  

~~~~~~

"Whoever comes to Me and hears My sayings and does them, I will show you whom he is like: He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great." - Luke 6:47-49

Life Lately

Gather in closely, dear readers, for I have a profound observation to share with you all:

Three and a half weeks can fly by like there's no tomorrow!!!!

You have quite possibly never noticed how a busy schedule can whirl your life away through days, weeks, and months, leaving no time for blogging, little time for picture-snapping, and copious amounts of material for memory-making. The midst of spinning to and fro - this is where friendships are proved, goals are made and met, and where priorities become defined. My past almost-four-weeks have run according to this theme, and I cherish every moment from the decision I was facing in the previous post onward. Now that I finally have a moment's peace, however (although I cannot help but ruefully observe that it doesn't come until nearly midnight on any given day), I am happy to provide the requested "update".

Since May 12th I have...

1. Celebrated a graduation.

*sniff* my li'l bro is all growed up! On May 10th, Ben graduated with a degree in Mechanical Engineering. Doesn't he look spiffy?

yes, I know you're distracted by my adorable sunglasses,

but do look at Ben in his boring black robe & funny-yet-impressive

square hat, too.

2) Celebrated a birthday.

Has anyone seen my cane?? My candles read "49," and I was assured this was entirely logical and intentional - not a result of over-estimating my age or having only "4" and "9" candles. Old lady or not, it was a fab birthday, with friends, cake, "The Princess Bride" (thank you, Mr. & Mrs. J, for putting up with me! :p), and a day-before birthday dinner with my parents at a delicious pizza place!

                       dad an' me :)                                                         wood-fired pizza, baked by...Mario??

stinging nettle pizza - call me crazy, but I liked it!

3. Attended an opera!

Pirates of Penzance, to be exact. It was our annual find-something-to-dress-up-for-and-enjoy-an-evening-in-Ptown night. Great singing, great laughs, a fun tramp to a crepe food cart, and dessert at Pix- we enjoyed ourselves immensely!

 the whole gang!

                             besties                                                                       a piece of Portland at sunset

4. Enjoyed Slimification!!

They say it's not a word, but it is. "The are of being slimed," to be precise. While running three miles. And bouncing through obstacles. And slipping down water slides. Pretty much the best race ever. That's all.

 pristinely pre-race

slimey sequels

5. Hosted the "King's Daughters' Tea"

As a final conclusion to our wee girls' Bible study/handwork class, we hosted a tea! Outside, in the sunshine, it was just lovely...breeze blowing, barefoot girls, and fancy dresses: these things are good for the soul. They recited their memory chapter (Psalm 27) for the mums & grandmas, and had their handwork books/pages set out for admiring!

6. Held my Studio Recital!!
These kids...all I can say is they make me proud. Hard work, cheerful souls, beautiful performances - I feel so blessed by each one of these musicians. From the 5-and-a-half-year-old munchkin who proudly played "Mary Had a Little Wolf" to my advanced students whose music swept me away, the recital left me grinning and amazed at the capacity God has placed in these kids to make music. They are so precious to me...

many pictures = enough time to grab a camera and take them

which I didn't have

so I bummed this picture off of dad's phone

and it's all I've got

but aren't they a fabulous-looking gang of music-makers?

7. Made a Trip to Seattle!
Because we could. And we like each other. And the sun was out, and official responsibilities had ended for the summer. So we did! :) Rode the Ferris Wheel right on the water for the first time ~ it was a beautiful view, but my camera informed me that his "batter was exhausted" before I could take any pictures of it! :)

8. Ran Away to the Beach for a Day!
It was cloudy (it always is) but warm-ish and still bright! We picnic-ed, walked to haystack, bought saltwater taffy, patronized the best coffee shop in the world, drank bubble tea, and still made it home in time for Rachel's orchestra rehearsal! :D

everyone knows you bring flowers on your beach picnics, right?

 

 

Besides these 8 things, getting ready for an upcoming trip, raising sponsorship money for a race to benefit Pathways Pregnancy Center (thank you to everyone who contributed!!!!), getting together with friends who have just returned from trips and friends who are about to leave, taking Rachel's graduation pictures, getting a new bookshelf (hooray!!), and starting work at a tea room, I pretty much have just sat around twiddling my thumbs for the last couple weeks. I'm sure you know how that is. Just the story of my life, lately...

Until Monday, dear readers!

Opportunity

A year ago we dared to dream.

We built our castles - built them high,

And while we spun them out of reach,

We searched for stairways to the sky.

Each took his different, questing way,
Our paths together, yet alone.

"Impossible," we would not say,
But "Courage," through the world we roam.

Today, quite unexpectedly,

My feet have found the cloud-built stair.

Is this my castle? This, my dream?

These steps could lead me anywhere.

These steps - they could lead anywhere.

{photo credit}

The End of My Rope

It's been weeks since I've felt caught up on sleep.

Nearly a month since I've written in my journal.

More than a month since I've really read a book.

Days since I've had a good hour to dig into the Word.

~~~~~~~

It's been a while since I've felt in control.

On top of my happening life.

Ahead enough to plan for new things.

~~~~~~~

Most days I feel like I barely keep my head above water.

Like it's a struggle just to stay current with day-to-day events.

Then taxes loom in front of me.

And expenses descend upon me.

And my room's a mess.

And there are emails unwritten.

And phone calls unmade.

~~~~~~~

My spirit begins to cry out in thirst for true Water.

And my soul begins to shrivel in the cold.

And my temper's suddenly short and brittle.

And in desperation, I finally throw myself at Your feet.

~~~~~~~

Ignoring the thousands of chiming voices -

The hundreds of chores and to-dos yet undone.

The clamor grows louder, but I know, yes, I know.

First things not put first only grow desperate cries.

~~~~~~~

I'm at the end of my rope.

With naught but a frayed strip 'twixt my fingers.

And I can't afford to listen to the canyon, deep below.

So in pain, hands bleeding, muscles quivering, I focus -

Focus, on the rope, held taut, far above me.

And the deafening cries subside.

And I'm drawn up by You.

And I realize that, here, I always should dwell:

At the end of my rope.

{photo credit 1}
{photo credit 2}

To Forget This Day

I love anniversaries. Dates of special epiphanies, events, or decisions always have - and always will be - worth celebrating. In a way, each day is mini-anniversary, marked by annual spiritual and intellectual growth, memorialized on the journal pages of by-gone years. Revelations gained, friendships forged, and the beauty of triumph through deepest pains - these are events to hold often before us, with teachable and thankful spirits.

But some things are best, forgotten.

At the ripe old age of 7, mom and dad began cautioning me about what I allowed my eyes to see: magazines in the store, movies at friends' houses, and even words in books. "Once an image is in your mind," my dad explained, "you can never completely erase it."  Even so, there are, tucked away in a dusty back corner of my mind, images I wish away. Yet, by the grace of my Savior, these pictures and thoughts are essentially forgotten. I do not see them, think about them, or relive them. My mind has been reborn to think on more excellent things.

However, until beauty and grace have filled the ugly spaces, distasteful memories - anniversaries of sin - cannot be forgotten. Today marks such an anniversary. Forty-one years ago today was made the most devastating, cold-blooded ruling this nation has ever seen. Forty-one years ago today, Roe v Wade reached its verdict.

True it is that the triumph of evil asks only for the passiveness of good. At a rally I attended this past Sunday, I learned that there are more "pro-life young people" in the States today than there were the year before Roe v Wade. While this is progress, I could not help wondering if there were actually more young people, or simply more young people willing to stand. Who among us is passionate and willing to stand up on an unchallenged issue? If there is no debate about the morality of stealing, do we still uncompromisingly teach that it is wrong? Or do we passively neglect the discussion, merely cringing when "exceptions" are made? What issues do we avoid "giving all diligence" in, because the final line hasn't yet been drawn on the wrong side, forcing our hands? Did abortion blind-side the Christians of the '70s?

Fifty-six times the bell rang on Sunday. Fifty-six. Each soul-shattering clang remembered not ten, not a hundred, not a thousand, but one million still, silent hearts. One million faces that will never wrinkle up in tears, smooth out at the sight of mama, or laugh at papa's silly antics. One million pairs of shoes that will never be tied. One million hugs that will never cling to a lonely neck.

Fifty-six times clanged the bell. Fifty-six million dead.

And I wept. Wept for the little ones who will never be, wishing I could hold them close and protect them from such carnage. Wept for the mothers who have thus ended so many lives, longing to hug them, and tell them about the unconditional, overpowering love and forgiveness my Father has for them. Wept for the desolation with which this country has brought upon and so injured itself.

In these brief 41 years, we have multiplied in unborn, innocent blood - by more than 2500% - the first 215
years of American military deaths. In these short 41 years, we, the people of the United States, have ended the lives of more than the combined populations of Canada and Romania. In these mere 41 years, millions have been lied to about the precious infants in their wombs, have been swindled, or allowed to remain willfully ignorant, as they become party to the destruction of lives.


This is a story with no happy ending - yet. But hope abounds. Abortion rates are dropping in the States, slowly and surely. While there are still thousands of abortion victims, there are also thousands who have been rescued: snatched from death by the prayers, sacrifices, and tireless efforts of those who see each life as sacred.

Oh, so sacred.

Increasingly, the personhood of the child in the womb will be a non-issue in a society that has lost its belief in the dignity of man. Stripped of the science and emotionalism in our debates, we will be left with the very heartbeat of our argument for the honoring of human lives: that Christ's blood was shed to remove all memory of our sin from before the Father.

Friends, let us do more than merely hold a conviction - let us act upon it. Let us work diligently and speak bravely for the lives of the unborn. Let us pray earnestly for the softening and salvation of those both administering and receiving abortions. Let us find ways to support those seeking life for their babies - volunteering our time, organizing fundraising. Let us work earnestly for the removal of this anniversary.

Some memories are best, forgotten.