No Slug Left Behind



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Theirs is a miserable existence. They slime out a living in flower beds, vegetable gardens, and gravel driveways. Ever hunted by the unrelenting Sluggo, ever wary of the deadly saltshaker, they creepy-crawl along their ways, outcasts of the world. They are slugs, and they can do nothing to change the fact.

Two weeks ago, I began to be in constant contact with this love-starved slime species when mama signed all garden duties over to me. The Littles had planted rows of veggies while I was in Utah, but between the "wascally wabbits", slugs, and careless Little-people footsteps, we were left with six (6) plants. Rather a sad prospect on the whole, don't you think? So, I hoed up the entire garden (going carefully around our few brave growths) and re-planted, hoping for the best, despite the lateness of the year.

Returning from California, I was greeted by rows of corn, green beans, pumpkins, and zucchinis (the herbs have not quite popped up yet...if they plan to). How exciting! However, I am determined not to have a repeat of the first planting's problem, so Saturday night I picked up some chicken wire for a rabbit fence, warned the Littles that they were not to wander at will in the garden, and instituted the No Slug Left Behind Act.




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You see, despite the fact that they make me squirm, are slimy, and are already making a meal out of my rows of corn and beans, I bear the slugs no malice. I will not cut them in half with a trowel, like Zachary likes to do. I will not salt them and watch with deep-seated satisfaction as they shrivel up and die, like James wants to do. No, I will not harm the poor, misunderstood things - it is not their faults that they are slugs. Zachary has kindly agreed to be my helper in this venture, and together we spend much time in the garden - I weeding, and Z-man searching for the poor, misplaced slugs.

By far, this is the best way to go, and one I would urge all of you to consider, as you think on the mistreated slugs in your yard. Kind, gentle, and humane to the slimy creatures so often misunderstood by society, the No Slug Left Behind Act simply relocates unfortunate slugs to places where they can slime to their hearts' content.

At my house, this is the chicken yard.

What's that you say? Chickens eat slugs?

O dear. Imagine that.