About Me

For a million years you stand there, in that tense moment opening an audition, waiting while the judges attempt {unsuccessfully} to still the loco butterflies stampeding through your stomach {as only stomach butterflies can}, and snare-drums-on-caffeine beating in your heart, by asking a friendly question. As if making you talk would suddenly obliterate the anxiety of months of practice, the pressure of pleasing teacher and parents by "doing well," or the blackening dizziness you feel every time you wonder if your piece is truly memorized.

"So, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"

"Uh..."

Perhaps your first, highly-intelligent utterance was inaudible; maybe it cracked through dry lips as you endeavored to force some sort of response out of breathless lungs, but in that moment, numbed to the world, you are faced with the vaguely uncomfortable question, "Who am I, again?"

All you want to do is play. To hug the soft wood of your violin betwixt your chin and shoulder, and be lulled by its deep vibrations, quieting your heart and giving breath to your soul; or to collapse upon the piano bench, and feel strength racing up your arms from the touch of the bell-like keys, inviting your fingers to dance. You are here for music {and for mom, dad, grandma, and grandpa}, not for talk - all you want to do is play.

Maybe this story isn't yours, but it was mine. Many times. The smiles frozen on their faces, the judges would stare at me, blinking, wondering how long my answer was in coming. I watched the realization dawn on them that I was not "the type" of which to ask this question; but still it hangs, menacingly, in the air. Desperately, I would wonder, "What do they want to know?"
~~~~~~~
♥ Do they want to know that Jesus - dear, wonderful, awesome Jesus - is my Lord, Guardian, and love? (they should)
♥ Or that John, James, I Peter, and Deuteronomy all tie for my "Favorite Book of the Bible"? (the more I study, the more I like)
♥ Or that reading is like breathing to me? (especially the classics & people like C.S. Lewis)
♥ Or that I'm a total tea-addict? (particularly black, loose-leaf)
♥ Or that I've been playing violin since 4 and piano since 7? (yes! that's relevant!)
~~~~~~~
♥ Do they want to know that I'm the oldest of 10 in a fabulous family? (the others are Ben, Emily, Rachel, Joshua, Grace, James, Zachary, Megan, and Madeline)
♥ Or that we all have been home schooled through high school? (the Middles and Littles still are...)
♥ Or that I love to knit, crochet, sew...do all sorts of handwork? (but struggle with completing sewing projects, for some reason)
♥ Or that my days are spent teaching 35 wonderful music students? (well, not in the audition days, but now)
♥ Or that trying new recipes in the kitchen is a delight to me? (and sometimes to my family!)
~~~~~~~

What do they want to know?

I lick my lips, take a deep breath, and respond:

"Well, my name is SarahJayne, I'm 26, I'm a Christian, and I'm obsessed with the concept of joy. Now listen to my music."

5 comments:

Jo said...

This is possibly my favorite "about me" blurb I've read. Love it, Sarah!!

martha68 said...

i love this:)

Lucia said...

Sarah Jayne, this is gorgeous. I feel like we should know each other, since we have so many friends in common...perhaps someday! But I agree with Jo--this is my favorite of all of the 'about me's' I've ever read (which is a lot. You write so well.

Blessings in Him,
Lucia

SarahJayne said...

Thanks, Lucia! :) I think I almost got to meet you an' your sis' today in P-town...too bad you couldn't make it! Someday soon!! :)

Scott LaPierre said...

Hi Sarah,
I had no idea you had a blog!

Just saw your "Living Out Loud" post shared on Facebook, which I'll be reading after this.

Looking forward to trying to stay caught up on your posts!

In Christ,
Scott